As a child, one often yearns for freedom and independence. However, as the years pass and one gains the much-coveted liberty, it seems that it doesn’t bring us much happiness. There comes a time when we, as adults, begin to wish for the carefree and playful life we once had. While my early days weren’t rosy, I empathise with those who miss their childhood. As a human, you can’t help but wonder about what makes you happy.
The tendency to be dissatisfied with what one possesses is not unique to this scenario. People often express dissatisfaction with the present and wish for a better future or a return to the nostalgic past. Sometimes, people compare the worst aspects of their life with the best aspects of someone else’s and feel eternally miserable. You have probably heard of people glorifying poverty and its perks. And yet there are millions, perhaps billions, who would give anything to escape the misery of their poverty-stricken lives.
Causes of misery and what makes you happy
One may list several causes of unhappiness in human life, but a few apply to almost everyone. These salient factors cover various facets of life and determine what makes you happy or miserable.
The grass is always greener on the other side
The wise men among our ancestors were well aware of the human tendency to believe that others were happier. You are probably familiar with dūra ke ḍhola suhāvane, a famous adage in India. It conveys the same meaning, albeit with a different cultural background. This problem arises from a simple logical fallacy—comparing one’s worst with someone else’s best.
Not only does this cause deep dissatisfaction with one’s life, but it also results in poor life choices. The consequences of this flawed perspective can range from mild inconvenience to grave harm. If you eliminate such delusions, figuring out what makes you happy and what doesn’t becomes easy. The proper way to deal with such contemplation is to apply rational thought if such a comparison is inevitable.
Deliberate ignorance
Our problems often emanate from our unwillingness to accept the cold, hard truth. Even the wisest among us aren’t immune to this problem. As Søren Kierkegaard said: “There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.” Most of us believe in an idealised version of human nature. People often mistakenly assume that harmony among all humans is the natural state of affairs.
This perspective leads to several flawed assumptions about human virtues and vices. One of these false beliefs is that antisocial behaviour is always rooted in trauma. Another problem such deliberate ignorance causes is the belief in utopias—of universal equality and fairness. While utopian ideologies sound good in theory, they cannot work because they are inconsistent with our nature. We must balance the desire for a perfect world with a pragmatic view of the status quo.
The tendency to avoid inconvenience
Many of us inadvertently create suffering for ourselves due to our tendency to avoid inconvenience at all costs. We neglect or postpone dealing with matters that make us even slightly uncomfortable. Such actions often end up causing significant problems for us in the long run. It is pertinent to note that no matter what you do, you cannot eliminate suffering. You can only learn how to deal with it productively.
Even the noblest of us have foes; the richest suffer various agonies and even the wisest commit follies. Dreaming of a life devoid of pain will only prolong the inevitable suffering. Hence, accepting the ups and downs of life is the only reasonable way forward.
Conclusion: achieving what makes you happy
Only rational thought and action can guide one well. Blind reliance on emotions causes irresponsible and detrimental actions. Every instance of action and inaction has a price and reward. It is crucial to know whether the price is worth the reward. Your choices and the company you keep affect your life significantly more than you think. Additionally, a healthy relationship with constructive criticism is indispensable. Finally, self-reliance, a positive self-image, and a bit of thick skin will help you find what makes you happy.