I have been a lone soul for most of my life. It is, in fact, a positive thing. I can achieve my true potential only when I am alone—away from the noisy world—contemplating, holding a serious conversation with myself, planning and executing things. Reflecting in solitude often helps me foresee future events and plan accordingly. Failure does not aggrieve me much, for I make allowance for it in my plans. I can accept the objective truth with ease. Loneliness bothers me no more.
But it has not always been this way. For most of my life, I suffered from debilitating loneliness, soul-crushing emptiness, high social anxiety and extremely low self-esteem. What changed? How did my weakness turn into my strength? How did my invisible foe become my most reliable companion? Let me take you on a short journey through time – my journey from loneliness to solitude.
The dark phase of loneliness
My parents, a mismatched couple, had but one thing in common – having suffered a lot in life. Their struggles had peculiarly shaped their personas. My father was, to put it simply, a cynic; my mother – eternally insecure. The home environment was full of distrust for everything, and the irrational fears made my childhood a mess. My parents taught me to be overly cautious, wary of every person, and alert in every situation. I could barely leave the house alone, even as late as my early teens. I ended up with an extremely high level of social anxiety, social awkwardness and pathological loneliness.
My peculiar traits made it nearly impossible to make friends. Whilst my peers have always held me in high regard owing to my academic achievements, I never got to cherish bonds of friendship. Socializing was not my cup of tea. At times, I got so bored that I would get lost in my fantasy, where I was not only perfect but also the centre of attention. Years later, I learnt that this phenomenon is known as maladaptive daydreaming. Extreme loneliness and boredom sometimes led me to seek pleasure in self-inflicted injuries – even pain felt like a pleasant change.
Steps towards redemption
I developed an interest in philosophy at an early age and read the books of Spinoza, Nietzsche and Schopenhauer, among others. I felt like I had found something that had the potential to fill the void created by eternal loneliness. Sometimes I would wonder whether life is worth all this suffering. Through observation, reflection and deduction, I figured out that life isn’t just full of suffering; nay, life is suffering. In other words, suffering is what gives life its meaning. One must rise to the challenge facing him and do his best. During the pandemic, I discovered many things that mattered the most to me, including my strengths and flaws. The time I spent alone during the peak of the pandemic was my most productive time.
I spent several years of my life being a passive victim of circumstances, never having taken stringent steps to solve my problems, particularly the problems of the lack of friends and like-minded peers. I have, for years, been just a lonely, socially awkward nerd who kept blaming others for all his problems. Now that I have risen to the challenge and embraced solitude as my strength rather than fearing it, I can observe quantifiable improvements in my life, and more importantly, I can contribute positively to the lives of others.
Sage Venu
I have sought happiness in many ways, including financial success, earthly pleasures, social status, etc. Still, I have found that true happiness only comes from helping others and improving their lives. Economic success and social status make others envy you; earthly pleasures offer a short-term escape from the misery of human life. Only the smiles on the lips of the people you help and the gratitude they express for it can make you truly happy. Being fair and kind to others will also bring peace to your mind, something money or status cannot buy.
This blog is my attempt at building a resource to help all those facing a crisis. As a typical working-class person burdened with the stressors of everyday life, I know how much suffering there is to alleviate in this world. I believe we can help one another find inner peace and true happiness.